There is no faster way to the heart of Oshiana than to make her feel seen and heard. This morning I had to send my son a thank you. I came in last night after 11:30 pm really needing to share the story of my weekend. He stopped what he was doing on his laptop and gave me his full attention as I went on for probably 45 minutes. I could ask for no more precious gift.
In 2020 I began to struggle emotionally. Well, who didn’t struggle emotionally in 2020? A friend took notice and invited me to lunch. After that first lunch we began meeting for lunch once a week. We no longer meet weekly for lunch or even regularly, but for some time now I have considered that person my closest friend. That lunch invitation was the turning point.
I have a friend in ministry who meets me for coffee periodically. How I relish the opportunity to take a couple of hours and catch up! It fills my tank to have the opportunity to rejoice when she is rejoicing and to pray over the things that concern her. She does the same for me. It is beyond price to have a friend like this.
As we prepare to make our home on the other side of the ocean, there is a certain sadness that I will lose the ability to meet in person with these friends.
This is my desire. I want to be a person who makes other people feel seen and heard. I want to be the person who dares to reach out to another.
I have been working on building relationships with the ladies on our Pacific Oceania team by choosing to participate in biweekly Zoom meetings. Our Micronesia team meets weekly online as well. This has enabled me to get to know several people just a little, enough to be able to celebrate some of their victories and to care genuinely when there are prayer requests. For months I forced myself to participate despite it feeling like just another thing on my to do list, because I choose to value relationships. I choose to be part of a team. Zoom meetings are not like meeting in person. They just aren’t. Nevertheless, several months back I realized and celebrated that I was beginning actually to care for these people, who formerly were mostly strangers.
I want to be a person who makes other people feel seen and heard. I am making progress. Earlier in my life everyone that I would call a friend was someone who had reached out to me first. Presently I am growing in my ability to take risks by being the one to reach out. I am for the first time in my life being the person to offer invitations. That is who I want to be.
I think I have believed some lies about myself, not that I have yet put names to them. Yes, I grew up shy to an extreme. People who meet me now can never understand the identity I’ve worn most of my life. My life was radically changed when I experienced the baptism in the Holy Spirit while in high school. Even so, it has taken a lifetime to bring me to the point I am at now.
I laugh heartily every time someone comments about me being extroverted and especially if they call me a social butterfly. I have never seen myself that way. I love to be hidden in the background and to serve without much attention. I require MUCH time alone in the quiet to thrive. I enjoy working long hours by myself. I CHOOSE to engage with people. Social gatherings are stressful for me unless I have something to DO. When I am in a church service and we are instructed to greet people around us, I have to force myself not just to sit down and wait it out but to engage with people. While that is true, I am very comfortable and enjoy conversing with people who come up to see our missions display or just in general am comfortable talking to those who approach me. It’s being the first to engage brings stress. One of my favorites is getting to know people by working together for an event. Yet, I have always had a hard time being heard in a group. My voice is quiet and often high pitched like that of a small child. I often feel like people don’t take me seriously, and I don’t speak long to people who don’t value what I have to say.
Once I was part of a group working together to start a new elementary charter school in my hometown. I had a voice there. How I loved working with that group. I think it is possible that MAYBE one of the others in our group was a believer. I know we had drastically different political views. The one thing we had in common was a vision of what this new elementary charter school could be. A couple of them had put their vision into words. I and others heard their vision and came along side to join the work. In this group I learned to pull closer to people who drive me nuts. I cried many tears when there were relational struggles as I tried to reason out why I felt the way I did. I chose to bless my “enemies” and to pray for them. I watched the Lord change my heart for people to where I began to love ones who really irritated me before. This group was a gift to me even though we moved out of state two weeks before the school opened.
I want to function in a team like this. I want to share a common vision and work together toward it. I want to believe in the vision so much that I will press through relational issues when they arise. I want to see the Lord change my heart toward people when that is needed. I want to learn to value people who see the world differently than I see it. I want to be seen and heard amidst a group that I see and hear.
Lord, enable me to walk in courage, daring to reach out and connect with people. I ask you to guide my path, leading me to people to whom I may be a blessing as well as people who will value what I bring to the table. Help me to risk vulnerability and to grow through the wounds that necessarily come when one chooses to be vulnerable. I ask you to plant me in the soil you want me to grow in relationally. May I have eyes to see and a heart to value the place where I am currently planted. May I have grace for others as you give me grace for myself. May every part of my life, including my relationships, be for your glory.
To the Ends of the Earth 