I’ve been giving thought to the meaning of tasks prescribed by God to the priests in Leviticus and Numbers. This morning’s passage began in Numbers 28 with daily offerings. I’ve decided that God loves a good BBQ. Though I haven’t counted, I’ve noticed a number of verses that talk about sacrifices being a pleasing aroma.
Joking aside, what jumped out at me today was the pouring out of the wine that accompanied the twice daily offerings of lambs. Poured out. In being offered to God, the wine had to be wasted.
I grew up in a household that wasted nothing. We “cleaned” our plates at every meal. We ate leftovers, either reheating or creating new dishes. Leftovers held past their prime were fed to the dogs. We recycled cans and reused containers of every sort. We wore hand-me-down clothes. We took care of our stuff so it would last. We drove the same brown 1974 Toyota Corolla from as early as I can remember until I was nearly out of college. To this day my dad drives his yellow 1981 Toyota pickup and does his own maintenance. We salvaged and reused lumber. My dad taught me to straighten a nail and reuse it. He kept jars in the shop organizing the screws, bolts, nails, washers that he picked up here and there. My mom pumped the wash water from her electric wringer washer (which she used both to save money and conserve water) out into the yard to water the apple trees. She hung out clothes on the line to dry to save electricity. She washed dishes in dish pans so that she could carry that water out to water plants when she finished. When there was a drought we even waited between toilet flushings at times. I guess I should not be surprised that I simply cannot escape this internal drive for efficiency. I came by it honestly.
Having just been through more than a full year of life transition and facing another, I’ve done A LOT of reflecting. Since my early teens I’ve wanted to serve the Lord with my life. I first imagined that might look like being part of a traveling singing group or marrying a pastor and serving alongside him. Later I felt called to the mission field and prepared by going to Central Bible College, class of ’97. I married someone who expected to pastor and we served as lay leaders for years, just taking the next step as opportunities arose to serve, following as we felt the Lord was leading. It was not until 2013 that John Mark had the opportunity to serve “on staff” and 2015 when he got to serve as Senior Pastor. I have always served in some capacity, living by that passage, “whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.”
Many times I’ve been tempted with thoughts of having wasted my life. I have not yet made it to the foreign mission field as a career missionary. Even when I finally got to be an actual pastor’s wife, I never really found my lane in that role. I did serve the church, as always. Many hours I’ve spent crying before the Lord pondering this one thing. When I stand before God, will he be pleased with how I’ve spent this life. My life hasn’t looked like what I’d imagined. Even so, there is no point along my path that I can point to where I felt the Lord pointing one way and I went another. I’ve always said yes. Every time I’ve come to the Lord with this question, I’ve always come away with this answer. He didn’t hand me a road map and tell me to follow it. He gave me His hand and invited me to walk with Him. He is pleased with my obedience.
My family is in the process of trying to be appointed as foreign missionaries. A couple of weeks ago we had an important interview and the result was that our application is being held for one year before we can move forward. That was hard. I cried. I knew that it was right, and I trusted God with it, yet I cried some more. I poured out the wine of my life before the Lord in prayer. I said, “If saying yes to you means I never get to go, I still say yes.”
This is me. My life is on the altar. Whether it is burnt up as a pleasing aroma or whether it is poured out (wasted) as a drink offering, I yield it up.
There is something very freeing about having it all laid down.
To the Ends of the Earth 