Had a rough start. My youngest child refused to get up and do what needed done to get ready for school. How I hate to start mornings off this way. I kept thinking, “I don’t know what to do.”
Then the Lord met me in my quiet time. I veered from my regular Bible reading schedule, which currently has me in Exodus amid the plagues. Instead I went in search of the verse running through my head. I love it how the Lord speaks through the many verses I memorized in my youth. I knew the passage was in James and said something like this, “If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask God,” but I couldn’t remember how it ended.
Having in hand a newer Bible, not the tattered, white KJV of my youth with its hundreds of underlined verses and highlights, I glanced over the first three chapters of James. No luck. I settled in to read the whole book until I found it. Within seconds the Lord was speaking directly.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance”. James 1:2-3 NIV
I stopped to consider these words. I have never thought of trials being those things that come from within. To me trials has always meant troubles from without. In fact, for as long as I can remember it’s been a pet peeve of mine to hear believers refer to difficulties they face (most of which seemed minor to me) as “trials and tribulations.” To me trials and tribulations refer to drastic circumstances, like the Apostle Paul being stoned and left for dead or like believers in Afghanistan being martyred for their faith.
Today a question entered my mind. Maybe I have it wrong. Maybe “trials of many kinds” means all kinds, even personal struggles.
I moved on to the next verse, perseverance. The truth is, I don’t struggle with persevering through trials from without. I struggle with persevering when I face personal issues, relational issues, parenting difficulties. Isaac’s recent refusals to do what he is told have been a hot button. They can pull me straight from a level plain into a pit of despair in less than an hour. Last week I wrote in my journal, “Heard this from the Lord. DON’T GIVE IN TO DESPAIR.” I’ve noticed a pattern that I can go from pressing on to giving up in a flash. I’ve said over myself that I lack perseverance.
Here’s the truth. I am tenacious. The Lord put that in me as a youth. I don’t give up. Well, I don’t give up on most things. I’ve given up on exactly one thing, happiness in marriage. +23 years in, I struggle. I am not good at this. I can persevere through anything except feeling hopeless in my marriage. Even in that, the truth is I am persevering. I am still married. I have not walked away and I will not walk away. I fall down. I cry and cry some more. I call out to the Lord. I get back up and try again.
Now I am facing a 2nd issue that is just beyond me. I don’t know what to do with my now 13 year old son who refuses to do what he is told. I worry that these two issues will close the door to me fulfilling my life-long dream of serving on the foreign mission field. I worry how the poor choices my son is making will affect him long-term. Will he have to repeat 7th grade? Will his vision be damaged because he is letting his glucose stay too high for long periods? If I take him to a counselor, will it be better or worse? I’ve heard scary stories from people who went to the counselor as a kid.
This encourages me:
“[W]hen your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” James 1:3-4 NLT
Here I am, vulnerable, raw even. I am getting stronger. I am learning to fight.
Today the Lord met me. I asked him for wisdom. I did find the verse I was seeking. It was immediately after the other three verses I needed to hear today.
“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” James 1:5 NLT
To the Ends of the Earth 