What If I Died Today?

This morning while driving to church I asked myself this question. What if I died today?  Would God be disappointed with me?  Would I have accomplished what God put me on earth to do?  Whose lives have I touched?  Did I make a difference?

I knew immediately that it would not be possible for me to know all of those whom I have touched.  It seemed that many who had the most long-term impact in my life would have no idea what a difference they have made.

My mind went to a friend who is much older than me.  When I was a shy teen she gave me some words of wisdom that have many times emboldened me to risk reaching out.  I feel certain that she would not remember what she said.  I don’t remember her exact words myself.  I just know that it changed my life.

I wonder if I have been that for someone.  I wonder if anything I have said or done has spurred others on to love and good works.  What if I impacted only one person?

My mind goes back to Family Camp 1992.  I had just graduated high school.  The youth minister asked each of us teens a question.  If I could do one thing, anything, what would it be?  Without premeditation, I answered that I wanted to touch one person’s life for Christ.

My heart’s desire was to spend my entire life serving the Lord in full-time ministry.  I felt called to the foreign missions field.  Twenty-eight years later here I am in Warrensburg, MO serving as the Pastor’s wife at Family Life Assembly of God and wondering if I make a difference.  Usually I feel fairly confident that I have followed the Lord’s path for me even though I have not yet made it to the foreign field.  But then the questions come . . . What if I died today?  Would I hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant?”  Has my life thus far made a difference?

I have given birth to four children that are all off to good starts.  Who knows what impact they will have on the world?

Bob Jones, a well-respected prophet in certain circles and who is now with the Lord, changed my life.  I saw him on video tell of a time he died, heart attack I think.  The Lord asked him if he had learned to love and sent him back.  He lived many more years.

My current heart’s cry comes from that testimony I heard from Bob Jones.  Lord, let me learn to love like you.  Let me see the gold in people.  Let me love the ones that are difficult, those who are close enough to get under my skin.  I hope I will get to meet Bob in eternity to thank him for his ministry.

Earlier today I was thinking I need to consciously run my mind through all of the people who have impacted my life for good.  Just now my thoughts shifted.  What about all the other people who did mundane tasks that allowed me to live another day?  What about the kindergarten teacher I had before we moved to Willits whose name I do not even remember?  What about the person who watered the flowers in front of the church I attended as a kid to keep it beautiful?  or the board members who approved hosting a youth camp in a seemingly insignificant town called Point Arena, CA where I encountered the Lord?

Suddenly I feel more connected.

I need to serve, to make a difference for others, even if it is a simple act that no one will remember.  Today I cooked lunch for my family.  It was not a memorable meal.  I’m sure Daniel will never look back over his life and say to me, “Remember that one Sunday after church when you made us a ham dinner and overcooked the sweet potatoes in the InstaPot?”  Even so, it made me feel good to serve my family a meal.  I need to serve.  This is how I love.

A few years ago I took Isaac up to Grandma Kay’s grave. We had another child with us that day. As we drove away, I heard Isaac respond to the other boy’s question with, “You haven’t tasted her pancakes!” It caught my attention that Kay’s simple act of serving pancakes had touched her grandson’s heart, that young as he was when she’d gone to heaven, this was what he would remember about her.

This is my prayer tonight.  Lord, may I love like you.  May I love in simple acts of kindness, in mundane acts of service, whether in joy or in tears.  Abba, will you take my acts of love toward others as worship to you.  May they bring a smile to your face.  Would you give me opportunities to encourage others as I have so many times been encouraged by those you’ve placed along my path?  I pray there will be many.  Would you make my ministry effective, not for the sake of impressing anyone, but for the sake of love?  In Jesus name.